I Need to Live!

I need a little time,

Not much to ask for,

A little time for self,

For the self to get lost,

A little time for oblivion,

To think my thoughts at any cost!

A little bit of seclusion,

To get away from all confusion;

I need moments of peace,

Away from contemporary delusion.

Life is not the minutes going by,

Neither watching one by one,

As each scene begins to die.

Life is not what you taught me;

It’s not the things, that you bought me;

Life is sacred, a natural high,

Life is poetry, a feeling of birth

In the midst of existence,

A whisper, an awe-struck traveler’s sigh.

What unfortunately surrounds me

Is also what grotesquely astounds me;

For here is not, the birth I seek

The words that I hear

Are not the language I speak;

What seems to be the focal point of your existence

To my perception is a concept, bleak.

Though we’re as similar as we are different,

How could your faith in life be more weak?!

Written on: 24-01-2012

I'm losing it...in peace...piece by piece; but yeah, you'd stay in love with me if you were me!

What Is It Like...?

What is it like?
To be satisfied,
With the insatiable hunger of thy soul?
What is it like?
To lose that very,
Very revered feeling of control,
Thy once felt, in the arms of death.
What is it like?
To be new to living,
Letting go of existence,
Letting it all go in peace,
Piece by piece,
Not hanging on anymore,
But to open up the closed spaces,
To let thy self be at ease.
What is it like?
To have loved,
And have lost the ability to love again,
Not knowing if it's a momentary dysfunction,
Or a case of eternal pain.
What is it like?
To rage a war,
Against the demons in your mind,
Pretending to them, to be blind,
Avoiding the film of your life in your head,
From going on a constant forward and rewind.


What is it like?
To be free of the world,
To know thy's truth,
In the prevalent, darkest time,
Of profuse insanity;
With no mankind left,
No spiritual lifeblood,
Let alone humanity.

Making Anger Constructive (Part 1)

Few things in life, although learned the harder way, are much more rewarding than lamenting over the unfair treatments of certain people towards oneself, and venting out the resultant anger on one's own self.

...to which my cousin retorted as follows..and the discussion continued..

Zain Qureshi: yep, one of the best learnt things is how to vent resultant anger on others..on which note, passive aggression helps make your day tolerable=)

Maham (me): hmmm..passive aggression deviates a person from venting the anger out on others..it leads to masochism in most cases, with the exception of a case where the passive aggressive keeps building it up inside n waits for the right time to take it out on the right target. 
And i personally wouldn't recommend this exception to anyone or to myself. I believe it's best to strike when the iron is hot but to strike the right way..else the sufferer again is oneself.

Iem Ron: Anger is often a sign of fear and its effect is usually evil. if u dont manage it in a reasonable, fair and effective manner it will ruin ur relationships and promote violence, bullying and conflict.

Maham (me): True, Iem..this is why i said "though for the right reason n in the right manner at the right target". =)
Because anger is a natural emotion, but it has to be vented out the right way which is constructive to oneself and others involved.

Many a time, I have victimized myself with masochism, both in the distant and the recent pasts. I belong to a family unit, where anger exists as a problem, though this is my personal observation and those family members might not agree on this. But I, as an individual, have suffered directly and indirectly because of my learned behavior and maybe the genetic transference too. 
I would consider myself wrong for feeling the anger, and for being unable to let it out in a way that could help me get rid of those feelings. I diverted to useless mechanisms to feel better, in fact self-destructive patterns as well. But this kind of behavior hardly ever helps, and instead only aggravates the anger-related issues.

Myth of Humanity

Life is beautiful,

But the beauty went unseen

The civilization denied:

How civil it could’ve been

Hatred and power-hunger took over pride,

Like a mansion, decorated on a wedding night,

But with a freshly eloped bride.

All that is ingrained by society

Into delicate, maneuverable minds,

Ignites, as fuel, a spreading fire,

Which blazes on its way, things of kinds.

Like a coffin to a newborn,

Living is to life;

With no humans left, in the myth of humanity:

The so-called freedom

Of your questionable sanity.

The tears that you cry,

Only water in the end;

You forget who your enemy is,

And I forget, who’s my friend

What stimulates the senses,

What makes a child, an innocent child

Is the keenness of a hermit, in meditation

Or an artist, in a realm of her imagination

Measure of my Success?

figure this out!!

Wherever is it, within me?

That the last of my breath survives;

I die each night in my sleep,

Only so the morning sees me alive.

The strength in the cradle of trust,

Is only a dream, severed so many a time.

The price that we pay in misery,

Is the result of an ‘unintended crime’.

Your morality is a dysfunction,

In these times of evil saints;

Masks over painted faces,

Scars, camouflaged in paints.

Stains of idealism mark their hungered existence,

A fading desire ignites the ‘me’

Within me, to raise its deadened voice.

This, of all things, would never silence;

The words of my struggling conscience

Are more than a mere meaningless noise.

The soul reaches places where the body has no access

The ‘humanness’ of my being, is my measure of my success.

Dehumanization

The biggest mystery of life,

That the future is unknown

The hardest irony to digest,

Is that animated creature,

Into which I’ve grown.

A million miles back

Into travel through time,

Lays my tilted, barren ‘home’;

All through dimensions of time and space,

I’m trying to seek my rightful place.

Then again, what is my right?

Do I know?

Am I human? Am I animal?

Or a hybrid of the two?

I’m a little bit of me

And some parts of you.

Look for your dark corner,

Find your own reasons for gloom;

If I’m headed towards nothingness,

You’re only striving for doom.

There are so many people,

People who claim to know,

What many can’t verify

And others would not show…

I collect my bits of disintegration

Attempt to create some sort of correlation

Question myself, on chances of reconciliation.

Upon no specific answer,

I retort to self-annihilation

I hear all that you have to say,

But I shall not guarantee registration…

How could you claim to ‘being human’,

When you slave away to de-humanization?!